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POKEYMANZ
I’ve reawakened my love for Pokemon the past few weeks. I’ve been watching the Indigo League seasons and wearing my new Pokemon hat every day because I’m a big fat freak. Anyone who comments on my hat...
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CHRISTMAASSSSSS
Christmas is coming! It’s almost here! HOORAY! Christmas Eve is my fricken favorite. It’s warm and glowy in my house and lovely. Also lots of snacks. I really love snacks. Crackers, cheese, salami,...
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The Beauty Within
Here is a photo portrait of me being gorgeous. Santa sure can pick ’em. Here’s a close-up just for you.
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Club Dread / 50 Things
This week in Lauren is Having an Unprovoked Dilemma, I have been waking up with an utter sense of dread and despair. Is it because I realized that I have wasted time not loving One Direction until I...
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O’ Oprah, Where Art Thou?
A couple months ago I signed up for the Oprah “O” Magazine subscription. I haven’t received a magazine yet, so here are some reasons I have pondered as to why Oprah hasn’t stuffed herself into my...
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Am I a Forty-Four Year Old Woman?
I’ve compiled a list of things I do/have done/think that have lead me to believe that I am really a middle-aged woman. 1) Subscribing to a wellness magazine. 2) That wellness magazine is Oprah’s “O”...
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And Then She Went to the Hospital!
I bet you’ve been checking your inboxes frantically wondering where I’ve been and why I haven’t been bitching about my Oprah Magazine not arriving yet (but it did, so yay!) My eyeballs have had a...
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There’s No Food in the House
Very sparingly do I go food shopping. When I do it’s just a flash of me running around Market Basket at 8:57pm on a Wednesday and shoving frozen, microwaveable green beans into my Cynthia Rowley...
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ICE CREEEAAAAAAM & Death!
Hey Kids! ICE CREAM! YAAAAY! Last week I bought ice cream at the store and forgot it was in the freezer. In a fit of hunger I nearly ripped the door off and saw my little vanilla beauty staring back at...
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The face! The face! The face-is-on-fire!
Hey squeakers, This weekend I went to an Ava Anderson party and charged shit-ton of stuff onto my credit card! In short, Ava Anderson sells natural products for your big dumb face. We all know my big...
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I WENT TO CANADA
This weekend I went to CANADA! I saw Niagara Falls, ate a Tim Horton’s donut, and bought checkered long johns with a workable buttflap. If you’re afraid of heights and/or horrible naturally-occurring...
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“Yes And” Your Way to a Promotion*†!
Boss got you down with his latest fribble-frabble nonsense boss talk? “You’ve been 20 minutes late every day to work but still put down your overtime when you work 5 minutes passed close.” *ZOOM * YES...
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Songs That Make Me Feel Feelings and Think About Life and Stuff
Hey kids, Remember when I used to post songs I was listening to compulsively or the week? Yeah, me neither. It’s been so long and I’m probably still listening to the same songs. BUT let’s dive right in...
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Do Not Microwave Your Dirty Sponge or You Will be a Sad Person
Are you a sad person? Is it because you microwaved your sponge? I know most of you cried out with resounding “YES!” to both those questions, so I’ll just cut to the chase. If for by some reason you...
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My Arm Almost Came Off and I Lived to Tell the Tale
Hey childrens, This week in Things I Have Done to Injure Myself in Dramatic and Stupid Ways, I nearly got my arm chopped off. While I was trying to tuck my giant desk-sized coloring books behind the...
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Hey, I’m Dumb and Here’s Why: A Moment on Suicide and My Stupidity*
*Please note this post discusses suicide and may be triggering for some. The National Suicide Hotline for those in need: 1-800-273-8255. HEY FRIENDS! Today I watched the Virgin Suicides for the first...
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Me and My Guitar and Our Staircase of Brussel Sprouts
Hey kids! This week in great and exciting news, I bought a guitar! It’s nothing special but I have been polishing and kissing it every day. I’m surprised it didn’t arrive smashed into toothpicks....
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The Tale of Two Coffees
Hey kids! Welcome to Stupid Sunday, where I detail something stupid I did today. ENJOY! *** I go to Starbucks every single day. If you think that’s an exaggeration, please feel free look at my credit...
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I’m Still Alive
I think I forgot I had a blog. Last week I had a cold and it wiped all my recent memory out because I squirted a full bottle of Afrin up my nose. I tend to be pretty natural in my eating (Oreos count)...
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Observations and Violent Whales
My closet has four sliding mirrors for doors. My bed faces the closet, so when I’m sitting up I can look over my laptop and see my blurry face squinting back at me. Tonight, I’ve stuffed myself in...
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